


Weakness

by MeganWrites



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, M/M, mentions of abuse and victim blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2015-01-25
Packaged: 2018-02-17 16:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2315405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganWrites/pseuds/MeganWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She needs to clean her face up, needs to put on a smile, can't let Ian see her like this. She stands up and sees her reflection, freezing once again and clutching the bloodied cloth in her hand tighter. All Mandy can see is her mother." </p><p>Between 4x09 and 4x10. First chapter is Mandy, second chapter is Mickey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mandy

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter is Mandy, second chapter is Mickey.
> 
> So, I keep seeing posts about a Mandy/Este ship on tumblr and I'm kind of in love with it so.... I wrote a thing. Also, this is so crack-y that it's ridiculous. I don't know why Estefania is in the Gallagher house, just assume for some reason she is staying with them... maybe it's a season 4/season 2 hyrbid. Pretend there is a good reason. I tried to get the Brazilian Portuguese right, but if it's a total mess let me know.
> 
> There are mentions of abuse, victim blaming, and overall some darker themes to this. You have been warned!

Mandy can't look in the mirror long enough to clean her face. 

The blood is starting to dry, it itches and the cuts sting, her eye is throbbing and she knows she needs to clean it up, but she just can't look at herself. She's sitting on the edge of the tub, a bloody cloth clutched in her hand as she stares down at her knees. Mickey is knocking on the door sharply, calling her name and asking her to please just open up. He keeps saying he'll break down the door if she doesn't fucking open it, but she knows it's an empty threat - knows he's just worried. He yells that he's calling Ian, Mandy thinks maybe that's when she starts crying but she's not really sure.

She needs to clean her face up, needs to put on a smile, can't let Ian see her like this. She stands up and sees her reflection, freezing once again and clutching the bloodied cloth in her hand tighter.

All Mandy can see is her mother.

She can see her mother's bruised and broken skin and hear her voice telling Mandy that she deserved it. That she kept pushing him, even when she had known it was a bad day. That it's really just a show of love, because he wouldn't get this mad if he didn't love her. Mandy remembers watching her clean her cuts, remembers helping wrap broken bones and stitch up deep cuts. She remembers listening to her mother, thinking that she was so fucking weak and pathetic for letting Terry treat her that way - making excuses for him and watching as he treats his children the same.

Mandy watches her reflection and sees her mother, wonders when she became weak as well. Or maybe she always was.

She turns away from the mirror, sitting back on the edge of the tub and keeps crying. Fuck, she hates that she can't stop crying.

There's another knock on the door, it's softer than Mickey's loud banging, and she can hear Ian calling her name. Mandy doesn't want to answer, she wants to stay locked away in the bathroom forever, doesn't want to see the looks of pity on the other side of the door. But it's Ian, and he loves her, and she's never been able to push him away before.

She reluctantly reaches out, turning the lock and curling in on herself again as Ian turns the doorknob.

"Hey Mands," He whispers as he steps over to her. He crouches in front of her and puts his hand on her knee.

She doesn't look up at him, just stares at her knees watching Ian's large hand as he rubs his thumb back and forth over the fabric of her jeans. "It's not even that big of a deal," Mandy mutters, trying to keep her voice upbeat but she's sure it comes out more wrecked.

"It is." Ian tells her, he raises his other hand to rub her arm soothingly. "We can't let you stay here anymore, Mandy. Mickey's packing up some of your clothes and we're going to bring you back to my house."

Mandy wants to shove him away, tell him that she doesn't need his pity or his sympathy, but she can't stop thinking of her reflection and she can't stop crying, so instead she just nods and allows herself to be wrapped up in Ian's arms. Ian is her knight in shining armor and he's come to save her once again.

Ian pulls back and looks to the door, Mandy can see Mickey's clunky boots by the door frame.

"We ready go?" Mickey asks, dropping a pillowcase stuffed full by his feet.

Ian turns back to Mandy, and tilts his head, trying to meet her eyes but she keeps looking further down. "Do you want to clean up here, or we can also get you cleaned up at my house. We've got better stuff than vodka to clean you up there." Ian's got a half-smile as he makes the joke, no one laughs though - Mandy kind of wishes she could laugh, ease the tension a bit and fall into a familiar banter with Ian.

"Let's just go," she says and stands. She keeps her gaze down to avoid the mirror as she rushes out of the bathroom dropping the bloodied cloth on the ground as she moves.

The walk back to the Gallagher house is quiet. Ian and Mickey are walking on either side of her, Ian's got his arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her closely as they walk. It reminds Mandy of when they were fake dating, all the times they would hug and cuddle, Mandy would give him quick kisses and smile more than she ever had before, wishing that somehow it could all be real.

Sometimes she hates her brother for being the one to win Ian's heart.

The Gallagher house looks quiet, it's a little unnatural to see but Mandy figures it's better that way. She hopes Lip is at his dorm, she doesn't think she could stand if he saw her like this. Mickey walks ahead, opening the door and stomping inside. He hasn't said a word to her yet but it doesn't surprise her, Mickey's never been good with words, better with actions. She's sure he will offer to beat the shit out of Kenyatta tomorrow, maybe give her a hug and mess up her hair, but right now he's in shock.

Mandy knows that Mickey's sees their mother too. She sees it the way he can't stop twitching, or how he keeps avoiding looking at her the same way she was avoiding the mirror. They both used to talk about how weak their mother was, how she needed protection, Mandy wonders if he sees that in her now too.

Ian pulls her inside the house and it's thankfully mostly empty. Mandy's eyes drift to the couch where there's a woman sitting. It's not Fiona or Debbie, Mandy's never seen her before. She looks young, has silky long brown hair, and she looks very small which is only emphasized by the sweatpants and sweatshirt she is wearing that are at least three sizes too big. She spins around as soon as Ian slams the front door shut and Mandy is struck by how simple and soft her features alone, yet together making her look striking and beautiful.

She leaps up from the couch and runs around to where they are. "Ian, Mickey, oh no. What has happened?" She has a heavy accent, the I's in both Mickey and Ian's names are elongated. It's sound like it could be Spanish, maybe Mexican.

"Don't worry about it, Este," Ian says softly, his voice sounds tired and Mandy wonders if maybe he doesn't like Este.

"Her boyfriend's a fuckin' tool," Mickey hisses angrily, ignoring everything Ian said and standing with his arms crossed by the stairs.

Este frowns and grabs Mandy's hand, pulling away from Ian and around to sit on the couch. "You have medical kit, go get it," she calls to Ian as she nudges Mandy to sit on the couch and settles on the coffee table in front of her. Ian seems to follow her orders and walks into the kitchen without another word.

Mandy's looking at her knees again, she feels a finger on her chin gently tilting her face up until she is forced to meet Este's gaze. Este has a private smile on her lips as she looks over Mandy's face and breathes in deeply, moving her hand to run her knuckles against Mandy's cheek. Her eyes aren't filled with pity or worry, but instead understanding, and for the first time that night Mandy doesn't feel like hiding.

"My name is Estefania, or Este is what the Gallagher's are calling me. What is your name?"

"Uhm, Mandy," her voice sounds raw.

Este smiles brightly as she moves her hands to rest on Mandy's legs, "ah, Mandy, it fits you."

Mandy feels the corners of her lips twitching into a smile; Este's accent almost makes it sound like she's saying 'Mundy' but Mandy finds that she likes it. Ian walks over to where they're seated, he hands Este a first aid kit and a wet cloth then steps back again. He's still looking at Mandy with a furrowed brow, he looks up at Mickey and Mandy can see him nodding towards the kitchen silently.

She hears Mickey's heavy steps walking away, Ian's looking back at her and saying, "be right back, Este will take care of you." He walks away as well, she can hear their low whispering from the other room and breathes in deeply. Este tips Mandy's chin up again and reaches forward with the wet cloth and starts wiping away the dried blood.

"They're talking about me."

Este frowns and carefully moves the cloth around Mandy's eye and forehead. "They are worried about you," she whispers.

Mandy feels a twinge of pain as Este works and grips the fabric on the couch tightly. "I wish they weren't, you're not."

Este's movements freeze, any trace of smile is gone from her face as her eyes drop to meet Mandy's. They are a deep brown color and Mandy thinks she could get lost in them.

"I am worried about you."

Mandy thinks of her mom, thinks of the way Mickey looked at her when he first saw her. "But you don't treat me like I'm broken."

"You are not broken," Este reaches up with her free hand and touches Mandy's face, running the soft pads of fingers along her jaw. "You only need a little help now."

Este continues wiping Mandy's face, cleaning away all the blood and leaving her wounds feeling raw, but it doesn't hurt. Este reaches into the first aid kit, pulling out some neosporin and squeezing it onto her fingers and gently rubbing it into her cuts. Mandy closes her eyes for a second, letting Este care for her and reveling in the soft touches.

"Here," she picks up an ice pack, wrapped in a towel and puts it against Mandy's eye. Mandy reaches up, putting her own hand over Este's and smiling at her.

"Thanks, I could have cleaned myself up but-"

Este presses a finger against Mandy's lips, silencing her. "Stop, I wanted to help." She looks over at the kitchen; Ian and Mickey are still whispering loudly and walking around. Este stands and grabs Mandy's free hand, pulling her up off the couch and to the stairs. "They will be arguing for who knows how long, you want to get changed and sleep?"

Mandy thinks for a second Este is inviting her to her bed and her heart pounds a little faster. She realizes a second later that it can't possibly be what she's saying, and Mandy isn't even sure Este has a bed here. Mandy swallows down the disappointment and clutches Este's hand a little tighter, allowing herself to be drug up the stairs.

Este is a few inches shorter than Mandy, she didn't notice before and now it just seems odd that she wouldn't be taller. She seems larger than life, sweet but strong and sure. She's not like anyone Mandy's ever met, or ever thought she would meet, it doesn't surprise her that Este isn't from Canaryville. 

Este turns and smiles cheekily at Mandy as she drags her into Ian and his brothers shared room. Este flips on the light and it occurs to Mandy that neither Carl nor Liam are in the room. "Take Ian's clothes, he will not mind he thinks you are lovely." Este pulls out a draw of the boy’s dresser, dragging out a large t-shirt and digging around for some sort of bottoms.

"It's okay, I don't really like sleeping in pants," Mandy says quickly and says and starts pulling off her shirt. She's pulls down her pants and is about to slip on Ian's large t-shirt when she sees that Este is watching her. Mandy looks down and blushes quickly pulling the shirt over her head and sitting on Ian's bed, pulling her knees up and holding the icepack against her eye.

Este's eyes widen and she shakes her head, "oh no, I am sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset." She sits down on the bed beside Mandy and smiles shyly, "it's just you are very beautiful."

Mandy freezes, the last time anyone told her she was beautiful it was Ian, and she doesn't even remember a time before that. "I'm not," Mandy says quietly, forcing herself to snort because she can feel the tears starting to burn in her eyes again. "I was stupid, and I just let my boyfriend beat the shit out of me, and now half my face is fucked up."

Este shakes her head and shuffles closer to Mandy, pressing close and reaching up to brush her fingers through Mandy's hair, tugging at and untangling knots. "My ex, Marco, he hit me as well. He was angry that I was married, but it was not by my choice to marry. He tried to tell me I was wrong, and I was weak because he could hit harder. But he was wrong, he was weak. If the only way you can be mad is with your fist, your mind is as weak as a child’s." She rubs a hand on Mandy's back and nudges her to move. Mandy shuffles forward on the mattress and Este slips in behind her, continuing to rub one hand soothingly on her back and brushing through her hair with the other. "You are still beautiful, and strong, and brave."

Este wraps her arms around Mandy's waist and rests her head against Mandy's shoulder. Mandy turns her head and looks down into Este's deep brown eyes. She thinks of Kenyatta hitting her, hearing how worthless she is, she's a slut and whore, doesn't deserve him. She think of looking in the mirror, seeing her mother and feeling so weak. Then she lets herself think of Este, her gentle movements cleaning Mandy's wounds, eyes that understand, and whispers that she's beautiful.

"Thank you," Mandy smiles without thinking and leans back into Este's hold.

"Do you want to sleep, Mandy?" Este mutters into Mandy's shoulder, "you look so tired."

Mandy nods and reaches down to hold Este's arms in place as she falls to her side dragging Este with her. Este giggles behind her but curls herself around Mandy and holds on tightly. "Boa noite e bons sonhos, minha gata." She says quickly and kisses Mandy on the cheek before burying herself back against Mandy's back.

Mandy's not sure what Este said, but her cheek is burning from the soft peck and she feels so warm and content. She twines her fingers with Este's and closes her eyes, letting herself believe Este, even if just for the night, because wrapped up in this perfect girl’s arms, she feels strong.


	2. Mickey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of headcanons about the Milkovich family and Mama Milkovich, especially in relation to Mickey and Mandy. So, while I (more or less) intended this is to be a one-shot about Mandy (and my weird crack!ship haha), I also couldn't help myself from writing a chapter from Mickey's POV.
> 
> Again, remember that Este is randomly here so... it's kind of a canon divergence. (I have ideas for this 'verse I may eventually delve into, though probably mostly just to indulge myself haha)

There's a makeshift vanity in Terry's room.

It's nothing fancy, just an old desk that was pulled out of the trash with a warped mirror propped on top, some plastic containers are glued down on either side of the mirror and there's a little wooden stool tucked underneath the desk. The whole thing was painted white years ago, but the paints started to chip away now, cracking and peeling everywhere making it look as it's falling apart.

Mickey can see it from where he's sitting at the kitchen table.

It was his mother's, a gift from Terry when she first moved in to this house with him. Once, when Mickey was much younger she had told him it made her feel like a classic movie star; like she could be beautiful and full of grace. She'd sang a slow tune, throwing a blanket over her shoulders and pretending it was expensive fur as she grabbed Mickey's hand and they danced around her bedroom. She spent so much of her time pretending, playing the dutiful and loving wife for Terry, overlooking as his flaws because she so desperately wanted something good and to be happy.

When Mickey was younger he didn't get it, he didn't understand why his mother would get high and act like her tears were from too many smiles, or that a bruise on her cheek was a sign of love. It didn't take long before he understood and he followed in line behind her; faking his life.

Mickey remembers watching her sitting in front of her vanity, cleaning cuts and bruises, and hoping that it still made her feel beautiful.

Other than her dark hair and sharp cheekbones, Mandy is nothing like their mom was. Mandy always hated their mother, she would get high with Mickey and complain about her, ask things like,  _"why doesn't she just fucking leave him? Take us all away from this hellhole."_    
  
She didn't understand the pretending, not like Mickey did, because Mandy's always had two feet firmly planted on the ground. The biggest dream she ever had was to become a Gallagher - a home filled with hugs instead of hits, and who could really blame her for craving that. She's always known who she is and she's never wanted to be anyone else.

Mickey wonders when that changed - how he missed it.

"Where is she?"

Mickey didn't even notice the front door opening, or Ian walking in. He blinks and points at the bathroom door silently. "I can't get her to come out," his throat aches when he speaks.

Ian nods, "grab some of her stuff? We can take her back to my place."

Mickey nods numbly and stands, he's still clutching the half-filled pillow case in his hand and figures he can probably stuff some of Mandy's clothes in there as well. Ian goes to knock on the bathroom door, talking softly to Mandy as he leans against the door frame. Mickey feels like he's on autopilot, letting his mind go blank as he goes to Mandy's room, hastily grabbing clothes from each drawer and stuffing it in the pillowcase until it's full. He makes his way back to the bathroom and sees the door open, Ian is wrapping his arms around Mandy and pulling her into a tight hug. Mickey hopes she feels as safe as he does with Ian's arms wrapped around him. He almost feels okay, seeing Mandy safe and protected, but then Ian pulls back and he sees blood again.

"We ready to go?"

Everything goes by quickly after that. Ian is whispering, Mandy is standing, and suddenly they're all walking in silence down the street to the Gallagher house. Mandy's tucked against Ian's side with his arm over her shoulders. Mickey gives them space, walking on the opposite side of Mandy and focusing on his steps. He can't look over at Mandy and see all that blood again.

The second they step into the Gallagher house it feels warmer - better. The Gallagher house always feels safer these days, Mickey's started to understand why Mandy spent so much time here before. Este is the only one home when they get there, she's jumping off the couch and running her damn mouth as soon as she sees Mandy. Mickey says something but he's not really sure what it is - he's not really sure what anyone is saying. He feels numb and helpless watching as Mandy is directed to the couch by Este and Ian runs to the kitchen. The seconds blur together as Este talks gently to Mandy until Ian is looking at him and nodding towards the kitchen. 

Mickey doesn't wait for Ian before he's turning and walking away, listening as Ian tells Mandy; "be right back, Este will take care of you."

Mickey leans against the counter with his arms crossed, focusing on a scuff on the linoleum as Ian walks into the room.

"Alright, so we'll get her set up in my bed or maybe Lip's just for tonight, tomorrow we'll get her a bed that's a bit more permanent and we can go from there." Ian is waving his hands as he speaks, pacing back and forth in front of Mickey. "Maybe we can set something up in Debbie's room for her, I mean, Debbie's gotten a little pickier about sharing a room but I think she would be okay with Mandy - they seem to get along." He breathes in deeply and runs a hand through his hair, "worst case I'll just sleep on the couch and she can have my bed, though that means you're crashing in the living room with me." He looks up at Mickey with a cheeky grin, trying to make light of the situation but Mickey is barely listening.

"Mick? You okay?" Ian is stepping forward and bowing his head to try and meet Mickey's eyes.

Mickey sniffs and blinks, finally tilting his head to meet Ian's eyes. "Do you think she's pissed at me?"

"What? What for? None of this is your fault."

Mickey glances to the living room where he can see Mandy curled up on the couch with Este wiping a cloth on her face. "When you guys were dating, she liked you. I know it was fake or whatever, but she was fuckin' in love with you."

"I don't think she was in love with me," Ian murmurs, he sounds guilty but that's not how Mickey means it.

"She loved you and she trusted you, and you cared about her, right?"

Ian nods and steps closer to Mickey, "not like that though, in case you didn't realize I'm pretty gay. What's this about, Mick? Please tell me you're not getting jealous that I was helping your sister."

Mickey narrows his eyes and angrily hisses, "no, and fuck you for even thinking that!" He shoves at Ian's chest, only then realizing how close Ian had gotten, and walks over to the table.

"I know, bad joke, but come on, what is this about? I don't understand what you're saying!" Ian raises his voice and follows Mickey, standing just as close as before, like he's daring Mickey to shove him again.

Mickey huffs and looks down at his feet again, anything to hide from Ian’s prying eyes. “She had you,” Mickey mumbles after a short silence.

“Mick…”

“No,” Mickey cuts off Ian before he can really start to speak, “she had you, and I guess she had me and my brothers, but not really. She just had you.”

Ian is frowning when Mickey looks back up at him, he’s looking at a spot on the wall behind Mickey and his voice is shaky when he speaks. “Do you think this is my fault?”

Mickey’s shaking his head before he can even think to do it. “No, fuck no. It’s just you were her friend and she loved you, you took care of her when we were all to fuckin’ busy to act like good brothers.” He swallows and looks down again, “and then I had to fuckin’ start shit with you.”

Because he doesn't blame Ian at all, actually. He blames himself. Mandy should always be able to depend on him, but she can't anymore and it's his own damn fault. He got too caught up in Ian, and Svetlana, and Terry. He was too caught up in protecting himself and hiding what he is - who he is - that Mandy got left behind. But she didn't just get left behind by Mickey, because of Mickey's desperate need to hide himself away from the world, Ian left her behind too.

He left his little sister alone and abandoned to be beaten and abused. She deserves a better brother than him.

“Mickey.”

Ian’s voice is too soft, he’s reaching out and putting his hands on Mickey’s hips; it’s supposed to be comforting but Mickey just feels gnawing guilt in his chest. Mickey bites down on his lower lip hard, hard enough to draw blood – he almost hopes it does, then he and Mandy could have matching wounds.

Ian whispers, “You didn’t take me away from her.” He rubs at Mickey’s hipbone with his thumb, the fabric of Mickey’s shirt caught between and scratching at his skin. “I hung out with you a lot, yeah, but I never stopped hanging out with Mandy. Basically anytime I wasn’t with you, I was with her.”

“Not the whole time.” Mickey says darkly and suddenly Ian’s hands drop because he understands.

“Shit,” Ian mutters and steps back running a hand over his face. “Just fucking it say it, Mickey. Stop beating around the fucking bush and just say it.”

Mickey narrows his eyes, leveling Ian with a glare in response to his darker tone. This is better than the soft touches and careful words, this is anger and if there’s one thing Mickey understands its anger, and suddenly Mickey cracks.

“Even if you were fuckin’ hanging out with her every second you weren’t with me that wasn’t anything. We fuckin’ worked together, and fucked after work, then fucked around all night. And she was off screwing around with your asshole brother so don’t even fuckin’ try to pretend you were there for her all the time, ‘cause you weren’t.” Mickey swallows and points an accusing finger at Ian while clenching his other hand into a fist. He sees the way Ian’s eyes darken and can’t stop himself from continuing. “It was you and me, hiding in some shitty old building or the back of the store – away from fuckin’ everybody! And yeah, that was my fuckin’ fault but you did it too! Didn’t matter though, got caught anyways. Knocked that fuckin’ Russian bitch up - was too busy with my own bullshit to even pay attention to Mandy and the new fucker she dragged in to replace your asshole of a brother. And then I fuckin’ make you leave,” He can feel tears welling in his eyes and his voice is cracking. Fuck, he can’t even look at Ian. “Shit, you were just gone and nobody knew where the fuck you were.”

He sniffs and squishes up his face until the water in his eyes dissipates. He’s not going to cry, not about this shit and not in the Gallagher’s fucking kitchen. Mickey realizes that it’s very quiet, he can’t hear whispers from the living room anymore, just Ian’s steady breathing a few steps in front of him.

“This isn’t just about Mandy, is it?” Ian breaks the silence.

Mickey rubs his hand over his face, mussing up his hair in the process and sucking on his teeth. Anything to stop the damn tingling sensation in his nose. “I don’t know, fuck, just – I can’t talk about this shit.”

“Okay,” Ian says quietly, all of the anger from earlier having seeped away. “I think,” Ian pauses and furrows his brow, thinking over his words. “I think you’re feeling guilty over something that isn’t your fault. You didn’t hit Mandy, Kenyatta did – he is the only one who did something wrong here.”

Mickey nods numbly, tired of trying to make Ian understand the way his guilt is burning through him. “She can stay here tonight?” Mickey asks quietly, trying to distract himself by picking at a hangnail on his thumb.

“Yeah, of course,” Ian says and carefully places a hand on the back of Mickey’s neck, squeezing lightly. “We’ll take care of her, Mick, I promise.”

Mickey nods again. He feels like a fucking bobblehead, but he’s a little worried that if he opens his mouth all this emotional shit about Ian and Mandy, and his fucking feelings, will tumble out. It’s not something he’s ready for. Not yet, not now.

Ian steps away to peak into the living room and frowns, “I guess they went upstairs?”

Mickey follows Ian silently up the stairs, looking down at his feet as he steps and watching how the shitty wood bends under his weight. The house seems so rickety and old that sometimes Mickey is surprised it hasn’t collapsed on top of them by now, though his own house isn’t much better. He keeps his thoughts simple as they walk, trying his best to distance himself from the night and the way it’s shaken him to his fucking core.

Ian pauses in the doorway to his shared bedroom and laughs lowly. Mickey looks up and tilts his head at the sight in front of them. Mandy is wearing one of Ian’s shirt, her face is clean and her hair is pulled away from her face, and Este is tucked in behind her. It’s a little odd, seeing his little sister spooning with the loud and abrasive Latina that is renting a bed from Fiona, but Mandy looks so content that Mickey just feels relieved.

“I guess they get along,” Ian says quietly and chuckles. “I should have known, Este’s got a magnetic personality.”

Mickey almost snorts. Magnetic is not a word he would use to describe Este, annoying and shrill suits her much better. But Este is gentle, in her own way. She's soft and touchy, hugs and kisses way too much for Mickey to be comfortable, but he thinks maybe someone like that isn't so bad for Mandy to have taking care of her right now.

“Come on,” Ian nods his head away from the room and leads Mickey into an empty room with a double bed. It’s probably Lip’s old room, but it might be Fiona’s – Mickey’s not paying enough attention to care. Ian pulls off his shirt and jeans, dropping onto the bed and waits patiently until Mickey slips in beside him.

Ian pulls Mickey against his chest, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him chastely. Ian doesn’t push for more, just holds Mickey in his arms and closes his eyes. Mickey lets out a breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding, letting his limbs loosen and become heavy as he leans into Ian.

The silence lasts a couple minutes before Ian is whispering, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but it wasn’t just because of you.”

“What?”

“When I left, it wasn’t just because of you.”

Mickey blinks open his eyes and is met by Ian’s large green ones watching him. Ian smiles sweetly and rubs his thumb against the skin on Mickey’s lower back where his hand is resting.

“I just needed to figure some shit out, and I couldn’t do that here. A lot of that had to do with you, but not all of it.” Ian leans forward and kisses Mickey once again, “besides, you were most of why I came back too.”

Mickey swallows but doesn’t say anything. He nods one more time, lips pressed tightly together, before closing his eyes and embracing the darkness. He feels Ian shifting around a bit, pulling Mickey in closer and breathing deeply, but he keeps his hand on Mickey’s back, thumbing rubbing idly in the same soothing motion.

Mickey dreams of his mother that night. Dreams of her smile and how it was always just a little too tight, or her eyes and how they always looked glassed over – like she no longer lived in the same reality that Mickey did. He dreams of her being young and strong, like Mandy, watches pieces of her break away as she falls further and further into the clutches of their fucking terror of a family. Then he dreams of Mandy, with a smile too tight and eyes glassed over, dancing by that fucking makeshift vanity and pretending she’s a movie star.

He spends the night tossing and turning, thinking about all the ways he’s disappointed the people he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr :)](http://meganwwrites.tumblr.com)


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